Family.

Everyone who sits at the dinner table in my home has to come prepared to ask a question. The questions can range from "If you were able to have any superpower for 24 what would it be and what would you do with it?" to "What do you think about the wall that President Trump is trying to build?" We ask questions every night and you can't ask the same question twice. The question that came up last week was "What does it mean to be a family?" This is topic that has been very prevalent in my home the past few months. It came up as a serious discussion this past week at dinner. Reminder the ages of my current humans are 10, 13 and 18 so a lot of different life experiences and more importantly, exponentially different relationships with the birth families.

Back to the question, what is family? This is where I put on my listening hat, these kids get to create whatever a family feels like to them. Terms like 'real family' and 'fake family' surfaced in regards to the foster home being a 'fake family'. The fact that there are two different races in this home came up. The fact that not one of us is blood related came up.

Everyone who sits at the dinner table in my home has to come prepared to ask a question. The questions can range from "If you were able to have any superpower for 24 what would it be and what would you do with it?" to "What do you think about the wall that President Trump is trying to build?" We ask questions every night and you can't ask the same question twice. The question that came up last week was "What does it mean to be a family?" This is topic that has been very prevalent in my home the past few months. It came up as a serious discussion this past week at dinner. Reminder the ages of my current humans are 10, 13 and 18 so a lot of different life experiences and more importantly, exponentially different relationships with the birth families.

Back to the question, what is family? This is where I put on my listening hat, these kids get to create whatever a family feels like to them. Terms like 'real family' and 'fake family' surfaced in regards to the foster home being a 'fake family'. The fact that there are two different races in this home came up. The fact that not one of us is blood related came up.

Family is, just like Blue said, the people who will be loyal to us and that we will be loyal to in return. Families come in different shapes and forms. One of the most difficult things to grapple with is that maybe the family you were born into, is the family you should stay in. Imagine being a kid in foster care trying to understand that.

When that happens it is important for us to first recognize the toxicity and let them go (way easier said than done) and find the humans in our life that will give us what we need. Sometimes families are a short term thing, people you find to get you through a certain difficult period in your life. They are there with support, love and understanding. Then, when we grow and learn from that family, we may need to find a different family to help us through the next phase of our lives. I am proud to be a long term family and mom for my daughter, Blue. I'm also remarkably proud to be a short term family for my current humans and whichever other kids come into my life.

Sometimes those people aren't the families we were born into. Sometimes they are. For kids in trauma this is almost impossible to comprehend. It takes years of processing to be able to grasp that sometimes the people who we think should love us the most are the ones that hurt us beyond repair. What a difficult, hard and unfair thing to learn. To me, family is versatile, it is the people we surround ourselves with that make us feel good. Make us feel wanted. Make us feel important. Make us feel loved. Family is the word that describes the ones who have your back and will go to bat for you, through thick and thin, hell or high water.

Family is pure, unbiased love.