Costs.

There is a cost to everything; financially, physically and emotionally. Everything we do has a cost to it. I remember one time in junior high when I thought it would be ok to sneak a cigarette in the girls bathroom during class. I was sitting on the toilet, puffing away, having the time of my life. I flushed the butt down drain, gave myself a nice big stretch and yawn and went out the door. To my absolute shock, a teacher was standing in there, waiting for me, her arms crossed and her eyeballs had lasers attached to them. She asks "What's your name?" to which I reply "I don't know." Followed by, "Were you smoking and what class are you supposed to be in" and I casually say "No" and "I forgot" as I walked by her washed my hands and left the bathroom. Whew, that was a close one. I couldn’t' believe she believed all of that. I was really good at lying back then. Not an hour later I get called down to the principal's office where they have me empty out my pockets which are filled with a pack of matches and a lighter. "Do these belong to you?" the principal asks. "No" I reply. "Then who do they belong to?" That was a tough question to answer who did they belong to then? I can't get any of my invisible friends in trouble…."I found them" I say.

Much to my surprise, that teacher didn't actually believe me. After I left the bathroom she followed be back to class - such a ninja move. When I got back into class my teacher had to answer a quick call then I was hauled down to the office. None of that was suspicious to me; I mean, I was in the clear, right? I'm positive I didn't smell like smoke or that my teacher found it bizarre that my bathroom break took 15 minutes. I was all good. There several costs here and some that I didn't recognize until I was much older. The first, through my teenager eyes was, now my parents are going to be keeping a closer eye on me, crap! I was angry at everyone else but me and overloaded with emotions. The second & third were the long term financial and health cost of smoking that followed my all the way to my 30's. In hindsight, those were all costs that should have alerted me to pause, take note and redirect. Honestly. What 13 year olds do you know that can do that?

When we’re in the moment – the cost of our actions doesn’t really bear front of mind. It gets smooshed down flat and buried. Where’s the fun in stopping ourselves from trouble? Figuring out the costs of life don’t really get any easier; the costs change their outfit and are still hard to find. Another year of great costs to me was 2017. It’s a time of my life that haunts me to this day.

So what’s my point here? I was lucky enough to be born into an OK situation. I pay my dues for my actions and know that 99% of the time, they are from my doing. Imagine being born into a life where you are paying from the get go about situations that happened days, years and even centuries ago. We look at people and assume they should know better and truth of it is that some people just don’t. The world they were born into had them paying from day one. How does one break that cycle. In foster care it is so easy for people to instantly hate and belittle kids parents for doing the wrong thing. While sometimes I am confuzzled too about things people say and do, I also have come to the understanding that their life was given to them and before you say to yourself or your neighbor “they should know how to change” think about a struggle you’ve had your whole life. Why haven’t you changed? It’s not that simple folks. Some of us wait for the bottom and for some of us that bottom just never comes.

We keep paying the costs of ourselves and all of those around us. So when you see a kid, who doesn’t even have the mental capacity to understand that they are even feeling something, being naughty or aggressive, think about what cost they are paying in that moment. Maybe they didn’t do the dishes. Maybe they didn’t go to school because they knew they were going to fail that math test and what’s the point? Maybe they were kicked out of their home and haven’t eaten in 3 days and are hungry. Maybe they’re just a shitty teenager (me) like we all get to be and need to go through the growing pains of figuring it out. It’s our job as the adults of our community to help guide these kids through those costs and help them understand them, not be banished and shamed by them.

When the costs seem too much to bare, as they often do. Don’t forget your path. Don’t forget your truth. If you’re not sure what that truth is, don’t forget to ask for help and please, please, when you see a child lost in their costs don’t ask if they need help. Just help them, love them and pay what you can for them.